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What the hell happened to the Lindsay Lohan of 2004?
After stellar work in the hysterical MEAN GIRLS, I thought
she was posed to be one of the brightest new stars on the
horizon. But instead her next two roles were HERBIE FULLY
LOADED, and now this disaster. Let's hope some of her Indy
work later this year redeems her. If she wants films like
Rachel Evan Wood, Natalie Portman, and Scarlett Johansson
get, she needs to lower her price and get away from the
dead-in the-water teen comedy cesspool. ***
Lohan stars as Ashley Albright, and she is one lucky
woman. A day in the life of her consists of hundred dollar
bills sticking to her shoes, great success at her job, winning
every lottery ticket she buys, hunky dreamy guys with neat
jets, rain stopping when she arrives. She's got a lucky
horseshoe up her behind. On the other side of the coin is
Jake Hardin (Chris Pine), who is as unlucky as they come.
His pants rip, water splashes at him, he falls down a lot,
and the band he somehow manages can't get a break because
of his unlucky streak. ***
As far as Chris Pine, think of him, looks wise as the
love child of Dean Cain and Rob Lowe. He is not just unlucky,
he's played as a complete and total idiot. After seeing
Steve Carell give a sweet and cool twist on dorks everywhere
with 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN, one can't help but shake their
head at Pine. There is a difference between being stupid
and being unlucky. He's stupid. He picks up 5 dollar bills
out of the garbage can that have fecal matter on them. Fecal
matter has now become a supporting character it is used
so much in films. ***
Ashley is throwing a huge bash with dancers, lavish
lights, and everything but the kitchen sink, to celebrate
her great work. Jake sneaks in and pretends to be a dancer
in an attempt to reach Damon Phillips (Faizon Love), a large
record mogul, who is even larger in girth. You see, Jake
somehow landed a gig managing a band who are described as
a mix between Blink 182 and the Beatles. Hmm, okay. They
also only have one song and perform it often, too often
for my tastes. Jake wants to get Damon the CD to save his
gig as their manager. Why they would hire this incompetent
klutz is beyond me. ***
Before any of this occurs, somehow Lohan kisses Pine
and everything starts to get interesting, or perhaps the
better term is stupid from this point on. Apparently, luck
can be transformed through kissing. This is clearly news
to me. Pine gets good luck, Lohan gets bad luck, as far
as the audience, we are still luckless. Pine ends up saving
Damon, gets his boys a record deal, a lavish apartment,
a skanky girlfriend, and everything under the sun. Lohan
loses her job since she set up her boss with a dreamy male
hooker, gets sent to jail for that, her apartment floods,
and her contacts fall in cat poop. Now that's what I call
a bad day. ***
The film then turns from light hearted romantic comedy
to HBO soft core porn, to science fiction. Lohan goes around
kissing every dancer that was at her party in an attempt
to find the man, kiss him, and get her luck back. She kisses
upwards of 20 males. Apparently, outside of having bad luck,
she has bad vision, as the guy she kissed, wore a very small
mask and she can't recognize him when they finally do meet
later on. He also does not know it's her, even though she
wore an even smaller mask. ***
The film suffers from any likable character to carry
along this film. Pine is so stupid, bland, and oblivious
and Lohan is too whinny and complaining when she has bad
luck, and too arrogant, and self serving when she has good
luck. Everyone else is forgettable and just there to fill
up space, and not too memorable. Lohan and Pine have zero
chemistry whatsoever and it's painful at times to see them
try and just come up with NOTHING. Lohan looks like she
needs a good 12 hours sleep after this film. ***
People and characters are not at all used in this film.
They don't talk, communicate, or share any insights about
each other or their current plight. They just flop, fumble,
fall, and embarrass themselves for the sake of "comedy".
Lohan really puts herself out there in a way that has not
been seen since Jenny McCarthy's DIRTY LOVE. How about the
characters sit down and talk and find ways to change their
current plight? Solutions, answers, or positive feedback.
Not just kiss and BAM, luck is changed. ---
Image & Sound:
"Just My Luck" looks good even if the film itself is
not good. You can get it on either wide-screen or full-screen.
You don't need a HD TV for this film. It will play well
on any and all TVs. It sounds solid, especially during the
musical parts of the film. ---
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