| The
Review: |
In "Nobody's Baby," an unlikely
pair of actors play an unlikely pair of hillbilly criminals
who cross paths with the most unlikely supporting character:
an infant child. Trust me, the execution itself is more absurd
than the concept. The movie is a mixed bag of various sinister,
underhanded subplots involving trashy, no-good characters
whom we can never come to care for because there is no reason
to. There are a few instances that work, and the movie does
have the chance to make more out of itself than what we end
up with; realizing this, I was left with a feeling of discontentedness.
***
The story places us in the Western
United States, where we meet two criminals who are fresh out
of prison after escaping during a lightly-guarded transfer.
There's Buford Dill, who is played by Gary Oldman in yet another
role that does everything to mask his true appearance; is
this once-great actor doomed to never play a normal person
again? Buford is a rather disgusting character, with a thin,
lanky figure and bushy whiskers, and a hemroid problem that
he cures with Chapstick (don't even ask). ***
All of his life, he has looked
over Billy Raedeen (Skeet Ulrich), a 26-year-old loser who,
after their escape, sets out to reunite with his pal. While
on the road, he encounters a couple who offers a ride in exchange
for a tire change; he finishes, and they leave him stranded.
He later comes across this same couple, things get heated,
the couple has a severe accident that leaves them both dead.
The sole survivor, however, is an infant in the backseat,
whom Billy rescues and carries with him through the night.
***
He later hooks up with Buford,
but not before making friends with the locals who make up
the trailer-trash district of the desert that surrounds them.
There's a showgirl played by Anna Gunn, a wise ol' Indian-type
played by Gordon Tootoosis, an emotionally scarred mother
of an abandoned daughter played by Mary Steenburgen, and a
waitress who gets beaten by her boyfriend played by Radha
Mitchell. Steenburgen takes one look at the baby, and asks
Ulrich, "What makes you think you can take care of this baby?"
Of course, as she's asking this, her breasts begin lactating
for some reason, and she then nurses the hungry child. ***
As the plot develops, a variety
of twists come into play, some fitting in with the material,
others flying in from out of nowhere to clutter things up.
The inclusion of the father of Steenburgen's child is unnecessary,
considering we don't really care much for her as it is. Mitchell's
character goes through the typical emotions of an abused girlfriend,
and while the results of her stress provide a single moment
of shock, they are for the most part cliched and derivative.
***
But that's not what really bothers
me about the piece. What keeps the audience from truly warming
to the material is the lifestyles by which its characters
live; considering this is supposed to be a story about changing
one's life for the greater good of another, our main character,
Ulrich, doesn't go through too many emotional alterations.
For instance, if he is so keen on getting himself together
to take care of the child, why does he feel the need to rob
a pawn shop for $10,000 when he is blackmailed by a shady
car salesman? There are some sequences here that made me feel
just plain uncomfortable, like that in which the baby throws
up French Fries and ketchup, and later begins choking on a
pepperoni. This is the result of Buford's carelessness in
handling the child, stemming from the fact that he simply
doesn't care; he sees her as a route to ranson money rather
than as a human being. And we're supposed to like him? ***
There is a scene in the final shot
of the movie that shows Ulrich and his newfound daughter in
the future; seemingly he has turned his life around and provided
a stable life for her. Why do the filmmakers leave out this
aspect of their life together, and instead settle for such
a degraded, filthy series of events that only serve to heighten
our disdain for Ulrich's character? Had the movie taken this
avenue, and actually given us a real glimpse of caring and
affection between these two characters, and not tried to pawn
our emotions off on cheap caricatures, then the gimmick might
have worked. ***
The film is written and directed
by David Seltzer, who also penned the scripts for the classic
"The Omen," and the well-crafted teenage woes film "Lucas."
To compare his efforts here to his previous works is to witness
just how out of touch a gifted filmmaker can be with his ability;
I still find it hard to believe that Seltzer could take material
with at least some potential and completely turn it into something
so unwatchable. "Nobody's Baby" is a film that ultimately
has its heart in the right place, but I don't know where the
hell it's brain is.
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