| The
Review: |
Brian Helgeland is an odd creature
really, and one that should, in some sense or other, never
be completely in charge of anything. Give him a book to adapt
into a screenplay, and you'll end up with things like: 'L.A.
Confidential', 'Blood Work', and this year's powerhouse 'Mystic
River'. But, let him write something original, or direct his
adaptation, and you're on the road to such wonders as: 'Conspiracy
Theory', 'Payback', 'A Knight's Tale', or the hopeless lunacy
that is 'The Order'. ***
'The Order' is slightly strange
in other ways as well, being some sort of contractual obligation
sequel to 'A Knight's Tale'. Virtually everyone involved in
the one is back again for the other, from the three main stars
to nearly the entire crew. Not a necessarily bad thing, though
it may cause you to raise your eyebrows, but here we've gone
from the sub-par to simply the sub-everything. ***
From the opening sequence on, just
about every decision this movie makes is not only a bad decision,
but one that moves the film nearly into the realm of self-mockery.
We are introduced to Heath Ledger's character, a Catholic
priest, as he prepares for, and delivers, a mass. Our introduction
is littered with slow-motion shots of Ledger's movements and
ridiculously stylized cinematography. This is much in the
vein of what you might imagine seeing if we had a samurai
going through dramatic ritual to prepare for battle, and such
grandioseness so early leaves great room to wonder if the
movie is making fun of the character. Worse still is that
we couple such bizarre visual choices (as though, for instance,
this movie were the epic to end all epics instead of a silly
bit of horror nonsense), with a misguided approach to delivering
information. The film is working mainly from the theory that
if it throws a good helping of key elements at us which don't
quite add up, we'll be intrigued to continue on and learn
the rest of the story. Not a bad theory in general, of course,
but when the bits we leave out are precisely those bits that
(according to someone's interpretation) keep all that we are
given from being utterly nonsensical, we've taken a wrong
turn. ***
When Shannyn Sassamon's love-interest
character shows up at Ledger's doorstep, he responds with
vague disinterest and relatively little commitment in any
direction. It's perhaps as if she ran out to buy cigarettes,
and he didn't expect her back quite so soon. We quickly learn
that not only has she recently escaped from a mental institution
where she has been for a couple years, but that she was there
because she tried to kill, and in fact shot, Ledger himself.
I assume I'm supposed to be consumed with curiosity, and begging
for more information about their relationship which would
thus explain his reaction, or lack thereof. It was clear that
was meant to be my reaction, but the best I could manage was
a distanced humor that such was intended to be my reaction.
And, if you were to have such a reaction, more fool you, because
nothing remotely passing as an explanation is ever given.
***
The decisions behind these things
may leap out as problematic, but they stem from a far worse
decision. It's all well and good to be a silly horror movie,
and you can't get far heaping criticisms of a serious nature
on such a movie. At some point, "Look, it's just a silly horror
movie," becomes a legitimate retort. There's the real problem
with 'The Order', because its best chance (and not a very
good chance even then) would have been to slightly upgrade
the 'silly-but-slightly-psychological' horror genre. Had that
been the approach, the most realistic of criticisms would
need to largely focus on whether or not it worked on that
level. Instead, 'The Order' takes itself more seriously than
most anything I've seen this year. This at once makes the
job of critiquing the film (negatively) far easier, and far
less useful. ***
Once this film tells me I'm to take
it even remotely seriously, there is hardly any sort of point
to watching it at all. I certainly can't turn myself over
to the sort of visual freedom of most horror movies where
I'm intended to simply suspend all disbelief and hope for
a scare or two. How can I manage that sort of experience when
the movie not only portrays itself in a way so counter to
my ability to do so, but also throws out (horribly failed)
attempts at showing me its characters are logical? You don't
have to give your characters dialogue which purports to show
them using reason, but if you do, and it doesn't, how do I
let that go? Worst, of course, once the movie tells me I have
to be serious about it, I have to grab onto what it gives
me. This unfortunately means I have to mull over the ideas
that: The Catholic Church is (apart from a certain loophole)
the only path to heaven, God has been stymied in his general
plans by a loophole in the system, people's sins are Abyss-esque
creatures that live inside them, and The Catholic Church is
being taken over by a demon-worshipping cult. That isn't even
a comprehensive list by any means, though frankly I'll give
you that last one if I absolutely must. ***
There is a more watchable, less
time-wasting version of this movie somewhere in the realm
of possibilities (though there isn't a good one), but the
version we're stuck with is all but a complete primer on making
bad decisions. We start with an utterly ludicrous concept
(not at all the kiss of death for a horror movie), and follow
it up with every conceivable wrong move. So close have we
moved to self, or perhaps genre, parody, that there is no
chance to be scared, or even moderately unnerved by anything
that happens.
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