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Review
Archives
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Today's
Date is:
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Valentine
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Reviewed
by: |
John
Kavanagh |
| Genre: |
Horror |
| Video: |
Widescreen
2.35:1, Color |
| Audio: |
Dolby
Digital 5.1 |
| Language: |
English
and French |
| Subtitle: |
English,
French, Spanish and Portugese |
| Length: |
96
mins |
| Rating: |
R |
| Release
Date: |
July
24, 2001 |
| Studio: |
Warner
Bros. |
| Commentary:
|
Yes,
Director Jamie Blanks |
| Documentaries:
|
None |
| Featurettes:
|
Yes,
8 minute featurette |
| Filmography/Biography:
|
Yes |
|
Interviews: |
Yes,
in featurette |
| Trailers/TV
Spots: |
Theatrical
Trailer |
| Alternate/Deleted
Scenes: |
None |
| Music
Video: |
Yes,
"Opticon" by Orgy |
| Other:
|
No |
| Cast
and Crew: |
Katherine
Heigl, Denise Richards, Marley Shelton, David Boreanaz, Jessica
Capshaw |
| Screenplay
by: |
Donna & Wayne
Powers, Aaron Harberts & Gretchen J. Berg. |
| Produced
by: |
Dylan Sellers & Jim Rowe |
| Directed
By: |
Jaime Blanks |
| Music: |
Don Davis |
| The
Review: |
My Mom always
told me that when I don't have anything nice to say about anything
or anyone, then I shouldn't say anything at all…Well, Ma…I agree.
But I DO have a job to do. And I really hate bashing something
that many people put a lot of work into…but I just can't help
it here. "Valentine" is the typical 'teen slasher' flick (although
the characters are slightly older than teens) where people are
being stalked and killed by a masked assailant. The film asks
us as an audience to yet again sit through 90 minutes of mindless
crap, trying to figure out who the killer is amongst many red
herrings. We are introduced to the stupidest, most vain and
shallow cast of characters I've watched since 'I know what you
did last summer'. Which is a big reason why I didn't like either
of these movies…I not only didn't care for the characters or
care what happened to them, I actually despised them and would
have preferred to watch them drop*L*…Another thing I noted about
characters in this movie is that *every* other character who
was not like the main ones were ALL put in a bad light even
though they may have even been far more interesting…There is
an EXTREME lack of energy in this film! All scares are predictable,
the script is boring, the directing is lack luster, the characters
are two dimensional and it seems as though the actors knew this
film was a mistake and hardly ever got riled up for anything.
The commentary track says differently but with the exception
of a few actors, I rarely saw any real enthusiasm. Another note
here, is that these ridiculous characters, who discover halfway
through the movie that they are being stalked by a killer, are
so shallow that they put this aside for the most part while
they try to find their valentine*L*And there's a time or two
when the subject of the killer comes up, they treat it so casually
and nonchalantly it becomes quite funny. "Valentine" is quite
possibly the most unoriginal garbage I've ever seen. There are
few obvious homage's to be found here but unlike anything else
you may see that pays homage to something, this film stops there
and doesn't bring anything new. There is a real lack of fear
in this movie as every single 'scare' can be seen from sometimes
even many minutes away. And usually with a slasher film like
this, most deaths are rather imaginative even though the rest
of the film is not. 'Valentine' falls short on this category
as well. Second time director Jamie Blanks, whose only other
film is the forgettable 'Urban Legends' (which still manages
to be 'Valentine's superior by far), decided to stick with the
same genre this time out as well. As I've said before, his job
here has been extremely lack luster…although I DO have to give
him credit for some of his directorial decisions in the final
act. The last few minutes happen to be semi-surprising, and
this could not have been achieved I believe without some pretty
decent screen direction. There ya go…a positive thing to say
about the film. Wanna hear more? Okay. I like that the film
faded out where it did. There is almost a real ambiguous tone
at the end from this. Here is something else, the production
design was very good. More? No, sorry…I can't think of anything
else positive to say. The 'red herring' slasher films can be
interesting and entertaining in their own way (the first 'Scream'
for instance), but I find it harder to connect to such a film.
I believe the killer is almost always more interesting when
you know who it is and something's about them. Micheal Myers
for example. Hell, even Jason and Freddy are more interesting.
This film tries to ride a fine line in between knowing exactly
who the killer is so we can connect with them, and not knowing
so we have the excitement (not really in this one) of trying
to figure out along with the characters, just who is after them.
I will commend the film for attempting this, but I will put
it down for not pulling it off successfully. Once again, Hollywood
has over killed this genre. The original 'Halloween' had been,
in my opinion, the peak of the genre. All others before and
the many, many copycat films after it have never come close.
But after a decade of 'Halloween' clones, the genre died off…Until
1996, when "Scream" revamped it. Hollywood jumped on the genre
believing enough time had passed (which it had) and filmmakers
were giving it a fresh new look (which they were) to create
more clones!…does something I just said strike YOU as funny
too? Fresh new look….wanting more clones…hmmm...hey, Hollywood
studios are mostly run by corporate guys who have no clue about
movies. The whole marketing ploy of "lets have so and so star
along side so and so and be directed by so and so…story? We'll
worry about that later" proves this theory. It seems they are
more interested in the 'sure thing' (which isn't so sure anymore)
rather than be fresh and get some original stories and ideas
out there…..Hey, you Hollywood types! Ever wonder why you've
been getting such competition from the Independent circuit?
'Cause We…Want…FRESH! I thought Urban Legends was the final
"hang it's head in shame" clone of the genre. Then came UL2,
Blair Witch 2 and this one. Folks…Be afraid because it still
isn't going to stop. They have a eighth 'Halloween' to show
us…another 'Blair Witch'…and a tenth 'Jason' flick, even!…Wow,
NOW these movies are scaring me. |
| Image
and Sound |
Picture
looks good but this is a new movie. Any compliment that should
be paid to this picture must go to the production design department
and cinematographer of the film. The sound is good too. Director
Jamie Blanks is one of those rare directors who have a sense
of camera/audience geography on the set and likes to have the
sound enhance that. Example, if there is a noise off camera,
and the actor on camera turns towards us and looks past us to
where the sound came from, then it stands to reason the sound
should come from behind you if you are fortunate enough to have
Dolby surround. Thus is the way it is in this movie. |
| The
Extras |
Along with
the movie, we get to see the Theatrical Trailer, well…this is
how it is billed on the DVD menu screen when in actuality this
is not a 'trailer' but a very short 'teaser'. There is a music
video by Orgy entitled: 'Opticon'. Fast paced and completely
visuals from the movie. And for some strange reason the DVD
menu lists this as "Club Reel". And the DVD menu lists "Studio
extras" which is the 8 minute featurette called "Valentine:
Behind the scenes"…I just find it odd that these features are
given such odd, confusing names. You wouldn't know what the
feature is until you click on it. Okay, back to the featurette.
Typical piece filled with interviews of cast and crew in which
everyone talks about how great it was to be making the movie…I
have no reason to disbelieve this, but like I said earlier:
Where's the on camera enthusiasm? And of course there's the
commentary with the director. Follow me to the next section
for this one…… |
| Commentary |
……..I love
movies, okay*L*Well, obviously if I write reviews for them and
the discs they're printed on. So it stands to reason that I
would love my job right? Right! Except when I finished watching
this movie and realized I would have to sit through it again
to check out the commentary section. Fortunately, I was pleasantly
surprised. With the exception of Jamie Blanks seemingly covering
his ass by talking about how many over done things in the film
were done solely because the genre has a certain formula that
you must follow, and the fact that I hated the movie, this was
and interesting commentary to listen too. If only because of
Blanks' energy and love of the movie. If I were a fan of the
movie, then yes, I believe I would love this commentary track.
Blanks talks much on the production, the actors and some stories
and amusing facts related to the movie. Any fans out there who
wonder about weather this track is worth the listen…if you're
a fan, then yes! I also found it amusing on one or two occasions
where he would speak of a certain 'scare' that he was disappointed
with because it failed to scare audiences. Just goes to show
that we seen too much of the same stuff lately that we can see
it coming a mile away. Lastly, I'd like to point out that you
may come across some discrepancies in the movie…through this
commentary, you will learn why these are as such…Things were
planned and sometimes even shot, but eventually not used. To
me this is an excuse that doesn't make the movie better. They
were never used so to me, they never existed. |
| Final
Words: |
As said
above, if you're a fan…something like the commentary is worth
checking out. Same thing with the DVD itself. If you're a fan,
it's worth checking out. But regardless to what the movie itself
is, this is a 'C-' DVD at best. I'd say buy it only if you are
a die-hard fan of the film. |
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